Archive file# o012501a
101 USES FOR A DEAD DRACO,
BY THE ANTIBEAST
1. Stuff and mount 'em on the wall. Be the talk of the party.
2. Use'em to make 100% genuine Drac-leather boots, belts, and jackets.
3. Use dead Draco pheromone extract to attract those "once you've had Drac you never go back" babes who are otherwise hard to get.
4. Use the extra-large scales to shingle your gazebo.
5. Stuff and display in a museum in the "Inferior species with big egos" section.
6. Draco leg chops, with B.B.Q. sauce.
7. Draco cat and dog chow.
8. Pin-the-tail on the dead Draco. Great for birthday parties.
9. Dip eyeballs in hot plastic to make marbles.
10. Great for target practice at the shooting range.
11. When stuffed, it makes a great sex toy for your average eco-politician or high-ranking Mason.
12. Make your own Draco-rug.
13. Drain it dry of blood, mutilate the body and stir it around in a 'vat'. Serve as stew.
14. Make Draco-leather bound books.
15 Hang by the neck and use as a punching bag.
16. Draco-leather upholstery, for car and home.
17. Make a Draco-claw necklace. Be the envy of your neighbors.
18. Hold up that custom made table with genuine Draco leg-posts. A great conversation piece.
19. Behead, remove top portion of skull, discard brain matter, and fill with garden soil. Makes a unique flower pot.
20. Stuffed Draco crash dummies.
21. Impale on post and make your own scare crow. Keep that corn field safe.
22. A Draco skull pen and pencil holder - paper weight.
23. A Drackie-bank. Teach the kids the importance of saving up those "drachmes" while they're young.
24. Makes a great watering post for Rover.
25. Remove upper and lower jaws and make a Drac-tooth garden tool.
26. Freeze, slice into extremely thin plates, photograph, and scan into computer. The "virtual Draco".
27. Get 47 dead Draco's and lay them out on the ground at UFO watches to spell: "WELCOME TO EARTH".
28. Draco eggs: hard boiled, scrambled, fried, omelets...
29. Ground-up Draco garden fertilizer.
30. Dunk-the-dead-Draco game at carnivals and amusement parks.
31. Use as stunt doubles for those extra dangerous movie scenes.
32. "Implant-a-dead-Draco fun kit". Comes with dead Dracos, a 2 ft. needle, and attachable beebe's with real-life tracking transmitters. Never lose your dead Draco. Fun for the kids.
33. Dead Draco bone sculptures.
34. Take a sledge hammer and watch your dead Draco "shape shift" right before your eyes!
35. A dead Draco Skeleton kit and/or dissect-a-dead-Draco kit. Neat addition to biology class.
36. Put ground-up dead Draco in a paper bag, set it at the entrance of you local underground alien base. Light it on fire, knock and run! Great prank!
37. Nothing like some Draco bone-chimes hanging from your front porch to discourage would-be alien abductors.
38. Chop up and use for fish bait.
39. A "family" of dead Draco skulls makes a cool set of drums.
40. Stick a stuffed Draco's arms out to the side and use as a coat rack.
41. Use a stuffed Draco arm as a back scratcher. Leave hand in-tact and peel the rest of the bone to the elbow. Enjoy.
42. Feed dried Draco flakes to the birds at your local aviary.
43. Use a Draco head as a bowling ball.
44. Gut your dead Draco, fill it with candy, and use as a pinata.
45. Put a dead Draco in the trunk of your broke down car. When the wrecking yard guy offers to take it off your hands for $25 (so they can sell the parts for $1,000), after a few months in the hot sun the car will stink so bad that no one will want the parts.
46. A stuffed Draco would make an excellent security guard for minimum security establishments, and he'll work for free, 24-7.
47. Elect a dead Draco for president (could'nt do any worse than the Reptipublicans and Dracorats in Washington D.C. today).
48. Sell to a tribe of head-shrinkers as an interesting diversion from the norm.
49. Use a hollowed-out Draco as a snow sled. Fun for the kids in winter. Remember to wax the scales.
50. Freeze your Draco immediately after death and use as an organ donor for the fraternal global banking elite.
52. Draco rib roast.
53. Draco head cheese.
54. Pickled draco feet.
55. Serve a dead Draco at a Luau, with an apple stuffed in its mouth.
56. Take a photo of our dead Draco and use it as a dictionary illustration of the word "Loser".
57. Use your dead Draco to train your hunting dog for the upcoming Drac-hunt.
58. Make your stuffed Draco do all kinds of goofy poses to amuse your friends.
59. Draco bone meal.
60. Mix dried dead-Draco powder with concrete or asphalt and use it to fill pot holes.
61. Dead baby Dracos make cute stuffed toys for the kids.
62. Go fishin-for-ET's. Put a dead Draco in the middle of a field, activate its locater implant, and wait for the UFO to show up. Hide behind some bushes with your buddies, with telescopic rifles, and when they emerge to retrieve their dead comrade you've got even more dead Dracos, and your own interstellar hot-road to boot.
63. Use'em as "inhuman shields" for the militia when they bust-in to the local alien base to "kick ass'n take names".
64. Organize a dead Draco bobsled team for the upcoming winter olympics.
65. Use your dead Draco as a mascot for the Dulce, New Mexico High School football team.
66. Negotiate a treaty with a dead Draco. It's a safe bet that it won't violate that treaty (finally!).
67. Tie some Draco bones together and make a rope swing.
68. A dead Draco towel holder (a leg or arm bone should do).
69. When building your rock wall, throw in a few Draco skulls for variety.
70. Draco-leather floor tiles would make an interesting addition to the home.
71. Make up your own dead Draco jokes and try'em out on your dead scaly pet. For instance: Q:What do you call 10,000 dead Dracos at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start.
72. Dead Draco land fill.
73. Carved jewelery from dead Draco bones, teeth, claws, scales, etc.
74. Dead Draco dildo's ("It's the best sex I've ever had!" - Mindi Les Blis, director of the International New Age Drac-huggers society).
75. A dead Draco skull-candle for those nice romantic "twilight zonish" evening dinners.
76. Cremate your dead Draco, take the ashes and mix with highly viscous petroleum jelly and use as an all-purpose puddy (call it Ash-tar).
77. (For your Forest Gump fans)... Roast Draco, fried Draco, breaded Draco, Draco-cabobs, Draco-saute, Draco-sourflee... etc., etc.,
78. Let it dry in the sun for three months and then rent out as the leading actor in the "Night of the Living Dead Dracos" movie trilogy.
79. Flatten with steam roller, dry, and then cut into small pieces to make a dead Draco game puzzle.
80. Put a dead Draco in you boss's closet when you're pay raise is late in coming. Open its mouth and raise claws in threatening manner. It should scare the hell out of the boss.
81. A dead Draco hammock.
82. Slice their spines into equal sections, hollow out, and use as petri dishes in genetics labs.
83. Cut tail into disk-shaped segments, dry until hard and leathery, and use as hockey pucks.
84. Remove hide and make a Draco costume. Great for UFO conventions and infiltrating military-industrial bases unnoticed.
85. Remove top of skull and use as a soup bow.
86. Put in a crocodile pit to keep'em company.
87. Stuff it, put on a ranger hat, give it a shovel and call it "Smokey the Draco".
88. Put out in front of house with a collection basket and sign saying: "Will work for food".
89. Use for bombing practice.
90. Use in a scientific exhibit demonstrating how swamp gas is caused by amphibious Draco flatulence.
91. Use a dead Draco to test the "magic bullet" theory of the JFK assassination.
92. Use your dead Draco for making luggage to smuggle suit case nukes into underground alien bases.
93. Cut off a Draco finger and send it to the Rockefellers (or Rothschilds). Tell them you've taken cousin Bob prisoner and demand a hefty ransom.
94. When ET's come to kidnap you, grab your dead Draco out of the closet and toss it into the levitation beam instead.
95. Make jump ropes out of dead Draco intestines.
96. Put on a Draco suit and pick up chicks at a New Age bar.
97. Bronze your dead Draco and sell as a statue to the "First Church of the Latter-Day Green-nosers".
98. Dress your dead Draco in a British Royal Guard uniform. He'll stand guard for days without moving".
99. Attach a mechanical arm, stand it on the podium at the New York Stock Exchange, and have it pound the gavel up and down when the bell rings.
100. Play spin-the-Draco at parties.
101. Make a Drac-o-lantern to scare trick or treaters away (It's a stupid pagan holiday anyway).
Supplied by Alan
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